How Do You Train a Pteranodon?
by minimumstitch
Summary: It's Ianto's first day at Torchwood 3, how does the team react to him and his pet.


Owen walked into the hub to see Toshiko and Suzie working at their stations, nothing unusual there except for the large parasol umbrella's covering the desks. "What the fuck is going on?" he asked as he walked across the hub.

"Owen, look out!" Tosh yelled.

Owen looked around just in time to see a large, winged creature swooping towards him. He ducked, covering his head and ran towards Toshiko and Suzie. "What the hell is that? How the hell did it get in here? Why aren't you freaking out?" he snapped.

"That is a pterodactyl, I brought it here and they aren't freaking out because it's our new pet. Any other questions?" Jack asked as he strode towards them. "Ianto!" he yelled.

"You called the large, scaly bird Ianto?" Owen snarked.

Owen turned quickly as a soft, Welsh voice came from behind him. "No sir, I'm Ianto. The pterodactyl is called Myfanwy."

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Owen, this is Jones, Ianto Jones, pterodactyl trainer, butler and all round support. It's his pterodactyl."

Owen rounded on Jack, his eyes blazing. "You brought some bloke in off the street just because he happened to have a bloody pterodactyl! What happened to being a secret organisation? So what's next, some bird says she has a friggin' velociraptor an' you hire her as well?"

Jack just grinned. "Relax Owen; I didn't hire Ianto just because he had a pterodactyl. I hired him because he looks good in a suit and I would never hire anyone with a velociraptor, they are notoriously hard to train."

The girls sniggered at the look on Owen's face. "You hired him because he looks good in a suit? Come on Jack, there are plenty of pretty boys out there wearing suits, you don't have to hire one just to get a shag!"

Ianto's expression never changed but his eyes seemed to turn to ice. "I am no-one's whore! I came to work here because I can be of use. I saw the world go to hell and I'm damned if I'm going to let it happen again!"

"Oh yeah? What happened, you break a nail opening an envelope?"

"Owen!" Toshiko, Suzie and Jack bellowed at the same time.

"Listen you jumped up little…I have seen more horror than you can ever imagine. You don't remember me do you? Why should you?" Ianto's voice dripped with disdain.

"What the hell are you talking about? I've never seen you before in my life!"

Ianto's eyes blazed. "Canary Wharf. You remember? Twenty seven survivors and all you were interested in was what piece of tech you could salvage. I watched you picking through the aftermath like a vulture."

"Ianto! That's enough!" Jack warned.

Ianto turned to look at Jack, his features schooled into a blank mask, eyes betraying no emotion. "Sorry sir. I'll get on with Myfanwy's training." Ianto turned and walked away up to the large cave at the top of the hub.

Owen rounded on Jack. "You brought Torchwood One in here! Have you lost your mind? They almost got us all killed!"

Jack looked at Owen wearily. "Don't! It wasn't his fault. Ianto was a junior archivist; he had nothing to do with the ghost shifts. You can't blame him for Hartman's egotism. We owe him. You heard what he said, twenty-seven survivors and we didn't help even one of them. The least we can do is give him a job, a reason to keep going."

"I don't trust him."

"Duly noted. Ianto has left an umbrella on your desk, I suggest you use it when crossing the hub, he's working on training Myfanwy but it's going to take a little time.

********************.

Ianto climbed up to Myfanwy's nest. He removed the bucket filled with lamb from the small service elevator. Pulling on a pair of leather gauntlets he removed a chunk from the bucket. He froze as the large dinosaur moved towards him and tried to take the meat from his hand. The dinosaur suddenly screeched and backed away shaking her head. Ianto smiled and released the small button he had been pressing.

He removed a large bottle of sauce from his pocket and drizzled it onto the meat. He held out the sauce covered lamb. He began to speak softly in Welsh. "Come on girl, its okay, no bad noise, I promise."

The large creature darted forward and snatched the piece of meat, narrowly missing his fingers. Ianto pressed a button on his stopwatch, starting the timer. "Good girl." He crooned.

Ianto held out another piece of meat and again Myfanwy darted towards it. Again Ianto pressed the button activating the high pitched training device. Again he waited until she had backed away before releasing the button. He waited for her to calm down and watch him before he drizzled sauce onto the joint. He motioned her forward and she warily took the meat from his hand. She paused, expecting the nasty noise but when it wasn't forthcoming she rapidly devoured the food. Ianto repeated the exercise until all the meat was gone.

Ianto placed the bucket back into the lift before climbing down back into the main level of the hub. He made his way to the kitchen and rinsed the bucket before moving towards the machine sitting on the counter. After seeing the kettle and jar of instant coffee he had immediately returned home to collect the coffee machine that was now sitting gleaming on the kitchen counter, figuring that it may as well be here now that he would be effectively living in the hub.

When he had brought Lisa in he had stowed his belongings; including a large thermos, in the room next to her chamber. He had brought the coffee maker in through the main entrance not wanting to draw attention to its sudden appearance. The large thermos he had sneaked into the kitchen, hiding it at the back of one of the cupboards.

Ianto made the coffee; a mild blend with a dash of soy milk for Toshiko, strong and black for Suzie, milky with three sugars for Owen and rocket fuel for Jack. He received a small smile and quiet 'thank you' from Toshiko, from Suzie he received a brusque thanks but noticed that she paused and groaned appreciatively at her first sip, Owen barely looked at him and Jack, well Jack's response had been positively indecent and caused the top of Ianto's ears to turn bright red before he made a hasty escape.

Ianto spent the rest of the morning cleaning the hub and organising the files that had been strewn across the workstations. When he glanced up towards the glass windows of the Captain's office he saw Jack looking down on him. When Jack saw him he gave him a cocky leer, Ianto blushed and hurriedly returned to his work.

"Fucking lizard!"

Ianto stopped his cleaning and reached into his pocket for his stopwatch. He pressed the button and noted the time before turning to face Owen. The medic stood looking extremely disgruntled, a large patch of Myfanwy's offering dripping from his shoulder. Toshiko and Suzie were helpless behind him, Toshiko almost crying with laughter.

At Owen's exclamation Jack had come racing out of his office only to stop at the sight in front of him. He laughed before stopping quickly at Owen's angry expression. "Umm, Ianto, how long before you've got Myfanwy potty trained?"

Ianto looked at him, unable to keep the bemused smile from his face. "I'm not altogether sure, sir. The library was all out of 'Idiot's Guide to Toilet Training Your Pterodactyl'. At the moment I'm trying to ascertain her rate of digestion so that I can start training her. If you can give me today and tomorrow to get an estimate then I can start trying to train her. Luckily sir it does look like her metabolism is slower than that of an average bird. It has been almost three hours since her last feed, with birds it's normally thirty minutes to an hour after feeding."

Jack looked at Ianto in amazement, not having expected a serious reply to his question. "With all due respect, sir, it's going to be enough work clearing up after the four of you without having to clean up random dinosaur faeces. The sooner I can get her toilet trained the easier my life will be."

Throughout the day, Ianto fed Myfanwy small meals, each time ensuring that she only ate the meat once it had been coated in protein sauce. He monitored her excretions and made a note of the times before cleaning up.

It was late when Ianto gave Myfanwy her last meal. The others had left hours earlier leaving only Jack and himself in the hub. Ianto brewed a fresh pot of coffee, pouring a cup for Jack before placing the remaining coffee into the thermos he had hidden earlier. He hid the thermos in a dark corner of one of the corridors leading to his makeshift room before taking Jack his coffee. He expected some kind of innuendo filled remark from Jack so was surprised when Jack took a sip of coffee and told him that he had done well and that he'd see him in the morning.

Ianto bid Jack goodnight and walked out of the hub. He was fairly sure that Jack would monitor his progress so he walked to the small unfurnished flat he had rented. He sat and waited for half an hour before returning to the hub and entering via the secret entrance he had discovered. He spent the night alternately talking to Lisa and dozing in the chair beside her.

At 5.00am Ianto awoke, changed into a fresh suit and made his way back to the empty flat where he showered before returning to Torchwood.

The feeding and monitoring routine continued and soon Ianto was able to predict when she would leave her little gifts.

On his third day, two hours and forty-five minutes after feeding Myfanwy, he climbed up to her cave armed with a bag of chunks of dark chocolate.

"What the hell is the Tea-boy doing?" Owen asked as he watched Ianto move to the ledge of the cave.

Suzie looked around before burying her head back in her work but Toshiko looked on in silent horror as she saw the pterodactyl plunge down towards the young Welshman. She released a sigh of relief when the pterodactyl dropped down inches from where the young man stood.

As soon as Myfanwy dropped down before him he threw her a small piece of chocolate. He moved back and as soon as the pterodactyl was clear he pushed the button to enclose her in her lair. She screeched at her lack of freedom and tried pushing her beak through the bars.

Ianto began to murmur soothing noises to calm her down before attracting her attention with another bit of chocolate. He led her towards an area he had covered with a thin layer of straw and then waited until she had relieved herself before giving her the dark treat.

After Ianto had fed Myfanwy her next meal, he climbed down the ladder leading to her cave, only to find himself facing an angry looking Captain.

"What the hell were you thinking? Why the hell didn't you warn me what you were going to do?" Jack ranted.

"Begging your pardon, sir, but I did tell you that I intended to try and toilet train her after I had worked out her rate of digestion. In order to train her I had to get her to her litter tray as it were."

"Just warn us next time; Toshiko is terrifying when she is worried."

Ianto turned towards the slight Japanese woman. "I'm sorry I caused you distress. Perhaps once I have fully trained Myfanwy you might like to accompany me when I am feeding her?"

Toshiko smiled at him looking embarrassed. "That would be nice; I've only seen her from a distance. Sorry I over-reacted."

Ianto gave a small smile. "Don't worry about it; it's nice that you care." Ianto turned to Jack "I shall be repeating this at approximately 11.30am sir. Is that sufficient warning?"

Jack gave him a look that Ianto couldn't quite interpret. "You have quite a mouth on you Jones, Ianto Jones."

"I'm sorry, I spoke out of turn. It shan't happen again." Before Jack could respond Ianto turned and walked to the kitchen to rinse out Myfanwy's food bucket and prepare the mid-morning coffee.

"Can't wait to find out what else that mouth can do…" Jack murmured.

In the kitchen Ianto desperately tried to control the beginnings of arousal that he had felt as Jack had reprimanded him. _Lisa, I'm here for Lisa _he murmured under his breath.

"Who's Lisa?"


End file.
